Field Notes: The Lord of my heart

Aragorn: You have some skill with a blade.
Eowyn: The women of this country learned long ago, those without swords can still die upon them. I fear neither death nor pain.
Aragorn: What do you fear, my lady?
Eowyn: A cage. To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire.
Aragorn: You are a daughter of kings, a shield maiden of Rohan. I do not think that will be your fate. 


 How many times have I uttered this same cry to my friends and family - "Shasta, what are you so afraid of?" and  my answer is the same as hers, "A cage.  To stay behind bars until use and old age accept them (or the pursuit of comfort, wealth, security distract) and all chance of valor has gone beyond recall or desire." 

At this crux of my adulthood, when essential choices are made and pathways forged, I find myself trembling in my smelly, holey old boots.  Trembling.  What if I don't have enough money? What if I'll never DO anything with my life? What if fear consumes me so much I'll never do anything? This endless debilitating cycle I endure - a fight with a cage, my mind.  My heart trembles.  I cower.  Then I look up, to Jesus.  I hear the words "You are a daughter of kings, a shield maiden of the Lord.  I do not think that will be your fate."  For I would rather die in sacrifice then waste my years until all desire for valor has died within me.  Wealth is not the measure of a man or woman – it is what he gives, not what he takes


I know this isn't a very modern way of thinking.  Its the 21st century right? "It’s the 21st century" - like it justifies every act of stupidity or complacency in this world. Honor and valor, risk and adventure are reserved for the stock market or far gone fairy tales.  We don't have real enemies.  Well, I say there is one frontier that always needs warriors.  To fight for the heart, for the hearts of men.  To remove the darkness from their eyes and call them all to the Truth about Jesus.  About the cross.  About sacrifice.  About courage.  About someone who died for them.  A real person who died for them, sacrificed himself in ultimate valor to rescue them from darkness.  And that, my friends, is relevant.  That battle still goes on today. .

And what keeps me going? From falling to pieces? I know I am a coward.  I know I am weak and dull.  But knowing how much he loves me; how he dearly loves me, gives me strength to endure the fear until it passes.  For I am a daughter of the King, a shield maiden of El-Shaddai - God Almighty, Savior, Deliverer.  And if I don't have Him, then I have nothing.