A New Deal for MSP

Yesterday was like any other Saturday. I cleaned the house...ha! well, just the basement...I picked up my friend from Poland and cooked a gourmet meal for my BFF and her husband. It was busy and lovely.

But the one thing I really took away from the whole experience was "wow, why are airports so dreary?" Nothing says "Welcome to my country, enjoy your stay" like gray scuffed linoleum and cardboard ceiling tiles. Where is the rustic Nordic charm? Your utilitarian fluorescent lighting and cement walls scream "Welcome to Detention Block #3, please sit tight while your interrogator passes security" not "Welcome to Minneapolis, Land of 10,000 lakes, home of the Hot Dish, Grandma's Cookies, and Smiley People who apologize when they honk at you."

Clearly, they did not consult me when choosing the decor for the international arrivals gate at MSP.


Well, anyways, in an effort to remedy this design flaw, I thought I'd volunteer my skills to create a new PR campaign, highlighting the silver lining amid all this industrial dreariness.

I recommend the following signs be posted throughout the baggage claim...

"Yes, our walls are gray. Gray like baby elephants and cute little bunnies."

"Comfy chairs make sleepy passengers who miss their connections."

"Fluorescent lights expose the TRUE you."

"Happy colors distract you from your next step, getting frisked by a TSA agent."

"At least we have heating."

"Being friendly at airports means you're a terrorist. Don't talk to the little girl with the pink suitcase."

Now, really, the only reason I had time to ponder this artistic blunder was that all of us waiting for loved ones to walk out of those "do not enter" doors, were subtley, but actively, ignoring one another. "Quick, pull out your phone and look busy before he looks at you." "Don't make eye contact! Don't make eye contact!" Because small talk is worse than death and you'd rather win another game of Fruit Ninja than say "hi" to the gal next to you.

Oh humanity, we are a silly bunch.